We all have friends.

Wait. Let me rephrase that:

We all have acquaintances, most of us have at least one friend, and there are a few lucky bastards that belong to an exclusive friend group (although I’m still not convinced that adult friend groups actually exist outside of early 00’s sitcoms). I think it’s also safe to say that every one of us has had at least one best friend at some point in our life.

Many people find a best friend young–in elementary, middle, or high school. Those who have gone to college have likely found another best friend or two along the way. But as we get older, what happens to those friends? Where the hell did they go? Sure, you follow them on Instagram and Facebook; but when was the last time you had an actual conversation with them??

Life always goes on, with or without you on board. We can’t blame ourselves for falling out of touch with the one person who knows what your favorite type of calzone is, or why you always choose to play as Yoshi. People change, things change, and that’s OK.

As I encroach upon my 24th birthday, living in a new city on the opposite side of the country, I find myself longing for new friendships that can rival the bonds I made in the first grade. Of course, I expect the conversations to be more intellectual than the ones I had in first grade…and our priorities would be vastly different than they were back then. What I mean is that I miss the loyalty, the consistency, and that distinct–ugly snort–laughter you can only share with that one friend who understands what you’re laughing at without having to ask. Then there’s the inside jokes, the relentless teasing, and knowing that when you say “let’s get together tonight,” you don’t mean going out to the club but actually sitting at home in pj’s watching trashy reality shows while drinking a bottle of wine.

Unfortunately, I have begun to realize that finding those friendships once you’re an “adult” isn’t so easy.

With balancing careers, significant others, family matters, health concerns, and your checkbooks, it’s difficult to find yourself in social situations that give you the opportunity to make true, honest-to-God friends. The best chance you have at meeting people (post educational experience) is at a job that you most likely despise. And let’s be real, they have to be a very special individual for you to willingly spend time with them outside of the required 40hrs a week.

So where does that leave us?

I’ll tell you where it leaves us: sliding into the dm’s of a friend of a friend of a friend asking if they’d like to grab a drink or see a movie sometime. Each time I’ve done this since moving (twice, to be exact), I’ve found myself sitting next to my husband on the couch feeling like an online predator, evaluating my first moves of attack. I can’t help but think–it shouldn’t feel like this!! I shouldn’t feel like I have to wine and dine a stranger once a week just to find a few friends. It wasn’t this hard in the first grade!

Thus far, I haven’t been turned down for a lady date…but I also haven’t made a friend yet. Acquaintances, sure (I’ll say hi if we cross paths in the market), but no friends. I’ve always considered myself a fairly outgoing person and I’ve never had an issue making friends before in my life.

After over analyzing every conversation, gesture, and yes, even a betrayal, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not me…and it’s not them either. You can’t fake chemistry, amicable or romantic, and none of us have the time to continue to “date” someone you just don’t click with. I mean, come on, that’s valuable couch time you’re wasting!

I think it’s time to accept that making friends as an adult might be near impossible. For all I know, it could be completely out of our control–the product of fate alone. All we can do is keep trying, and for pete’s sake; be NICE to each other!